Do you find yourself making a wish when you blow out those birthday candles? Or at Christmas pulling the turkey wish bone? I do. Always have. When I was little I'd be wishing for those material possessions that I thought I really couldn't live without but as I got older I started to wish for the things I didn't have control over. Health, happiness, etc...
I distinctly remember when pregnant with Amelia pulling the turkey wishbone and making that wish all Mummies-to-be make; that my baby arrives safe and healthy. For the vast majority, that wish comes true. Anyone who saw the recent BBC series of 'Inside the Human Body' will know how miraculous this is, as timing is crucial. But what happens when the wish doesn't come true? You've done everything you should during your pregnancy; taken vitamins, eaten healthily, exercised, not smoked or drunk alcohol... the model pregnant women, but your baby is born with a problem? What then? If anyone is reading this who is going through, or has been through similar, I hope this helps.
Firstly, it's not your fault. It was such a difficult thing to come to terms with when we discovered Amelia had a heart condition. The devastation and disappointment that comes with being told there is something wrong with your baby is awful. You have to question, did I do something wrong? In Amelia's case it all came down to a blip in her genetic make-up. From the moment of conception there was a tiny bit missing on her 22nd chromosome and there was nothing that could change that.
Secondly, it makes no difference what you read/don't read. I never read the section at the back of the pregnancy books that talked about the unexpected because I didn't want to 'jinx' it. On reflection, I still don't think I needed to read it. Why build yourself up to a range of different scenarios? But either way, it makes no difference. Like I said, Amelia was destined to be a certain way from the day dot.
Thirdly, you can cope with this. Hormones are an absolute nightmare at the beginning which really doesn't help. But talking to the wonderful doctors and nurses at both our local hospital and Great Ormond Street Hospital is a great comfort. They are with you all the way. So to was our local doctor's surgery. We were never made to feel like a nuisance when we were worried about a cold Amelia had. Their doors were always open or just a phone call away. The NHS have personally given us a wonderful service.
Lastly, when you get through the worst days of your life you are rewarded with seeing your baby with a new zest for life. Amelia is coming on leaps and bounds. She's still behind her peers but she's catching up. I think I perhaps appreciate each little bit of progress she makes that little bit more because it's been so long coming. I can't wait to be run off my feet, needing eyes in the back of my head and an extra pair of hands! I've had it too easy so far!
... My cloud doesn't have a silver lining. Mine is bright, shiny gold and I wouldn't have it any other way. xxx
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